Dr. Sex column #7 10-25-06

QUESTION: What's the most frequent question you get asked?

ANSWER: That's an easy one. When I take a client's sex history, the most frequent question people ask at the conclusion is "Am I normal?".

The word normal without context is meaningless. To better understand it, examine sexual activities from various criteria; statistically (by numbers alone), phylogenetically (its appearance within other species), legally, socially and morally, .

So, let's begin examining a few things people do sexually. The primary sexual behaviour is masturbation, or self-stimulation for pleasure. Male fetuses have erections in utero. Girl babies lubricate soon after birth.

The first stage of a child's sexual development is from birth to approximately 6 years of age. The physical body is primary; and sexual interests, curiosity, arousal and behavior are spontaneously expressed unless or until the child is taught to repress or inhibit her/his pleasure orientation. Socialization is a process of creating inhibition.

Masturbation is normal from most of the criteria I cited. It is statistically normal, appears in many different species, is not illegal, is not socially forbidden, but is still considered morally reprehensible and abnormal by some people. The preponderant attitude, though, is that masturbation is normal. The same can be said for pre-marital, non-marital and oral-genital sex.

Go ahead, try it on your own. Consider some activities using the five criteria above. What about same-sex behaviour, heterosexual intercourse, sexual exclusivity (It's not the same as monogamy.), anal stimulation, rape, prostitution, cross-dressing? I'll give you a hint, don't put too much emphasis on statistics alone.

Another criterion you might consider is how various sexual activities have been viewed throughout history. Social acceptability changes. There have even been changes in moral acceptance of sexuality through the ages.

Legality also changes, and varies in different places and at different times. Here in Canada there is a new debate over the age of consent. Our current government would like to increase the age of consent from 14 to 16. I'd like to point out that the age of consent in the Vatican is 12.

So, are you normal? You decide. Also decide on how important normality is in your life. Can you march to the beat of your own drum?

For information about Dr. Sex visit http://Doctor-Sex.org
Have a question for Dr. Sex? E-mail him at askdrsex@gmail.com

Dr. Sex Column #6 10-11-06

QUESTION: How can I sort through all the sexual information on the internet?

ANSWER: What kind of sexual stuff are you seeking? Nuts and bolts about human plumbing and reproduction? Statistics? Skill in sexual techniques? Do you just want to read some well-written material? Do you want to read some poorly written stuff?

I have some favorite websites for all of the above. I'll occasionally include some of the places I like. One is http://sexuality.org. Take a look-see for something different. This one is not about nut and bolts. Not all sexual information is cold and dry, or about who puts what where and wiggles.

Do you want sexually explicit material? (I think you can research this one on your own.) I'll tell you, though, that with the proliferation online of this material, we do know that behaviours we formerly thought of as extremely rare are now known to be more common. An actor simply cannot fake that s/he likes a sexual activity just for the pay involved. The camera doesn't lie. When you see extreme sexuality online, you can be reasonably assured that person does that behaviour in their private, off-camera lives, too.

Thus, I ask my audience the question... Does the internet tempt people to try sexual behaviours, or have people been doing them all along but feeling alone in doing so?

When looking to the internet for accurate, sexual information, remember that we live in the real world where few resources are totally value free and nonjudgmental. It's often difficult to pick up an author's point of view, and when s/he is wandering from fact into personal values that may conflict with fact. Values often cloud facts. Even scientific studies may be interpreted in ways that are distorted by value systems. I think it is clear what my perspectives are, and you should read them accordingly.

Just as you evaluate your medical needs and seek second opinions, I encourage you to question the sexual information you are given as fact with other resources, especially when they don't "feel" right to you. You will always have to distill information and utilize it as it fits with your life needs and value system. And, most of all, if it's a turn-off don't do it.

For information about Dr. Sex visit http://Doctor-Sex.org
Have a question for Dr. Sex? E-mail him at askdrsex@gmail.com